literature

Always On This Carousel Ch.4

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Rose-vi-Britannia's avatar
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Literature Text

Premonition


"I just don't understand why he has to be so stubborn. It's like all men are programmed with it." Jen gave an exasperated sigh.

I laughed lightly. "I know what you mean." I said while pulling on my favorite ripped jeans and tossing my uniform jeans into the locker. In truth I had little experience with stubborn people. For most of my life I was the one people complained about being stubborn. Not to my face of course. I had the reputation for things being my way, no highway option. Even though I was almost always right, it didn't stop my subordinates from disagreeing with me. I quickly pushed the thought from my mind. There was no use remembering them.

Jen finished changing and slung her bag over her shoulder, "I just hope he doesn't spend the rest of the night brooding."

I didn't really hear what she said after because my mind was pulled into another dimension. My physical surroundings faded and were replaced by a new reality; like the fade effect on video editors. The sensation was nothing new; I've had these premonitions since I was seven. I let myself be fully engulfed, letting the last sense of the physical world slip away as time all but stopped.

I see Jen walk out the back door of the bar and head towards her car. The man, whom she was telling me about, Gabriel I think is his name, is leaning against the hood. When he sees her coming, he straitens and starts talking to her. Although I can't hear what he is saying, it looks like he is trying to apologize. He apparently isn't doing a good job of it because Jen keeps walking past him to her car door. He then blocks her and after a few minutes of arguing she pushes him aside, walks past, and pulls out her keys to unlock her car. He proceeds to stalk off and out of the small parking lot.

For a second, I wondered why I was having a vision of something like this. Sure Jen is a friend and all but I've never had premonitions of something as insignificant as an argument between humans. Humans fought and argued almost as much as shapeshifters did. I chuckled at the notion.

Suddenly, Jen is no longer trying to open her car door. She is pinned from behind with a knife at her throat. She tries to scream but the man covers her mouth. She then stops struggling and is quiet, though she still is trembling.

What really caught my attention was that I recognized her attacker. It was James, one of my old subordinates. Crap, they found me again. No, they must have known I was here for a while. They wouldn't take a human hostage like that unless. . . I cursed myself. How could I have been so stupid not to detect them? They must have been watching me for at least a week to know we are friends. I stopped the vision from going on any longer. I started going through scenarios that would keep Jen out of trouble. Unlike most people with the seventh sense of premonitions, I can rewind what I see and play out what would happen if I changed a decision or action in the timeline.

I quickly play out what would happen if I went out before Jen. No good, she simply came out a bit later and I had to deal with James while protecting her, not to mention her friend Gabriel. I try saying my car is broken again and staying the night with her. James simply follows the car to her house and attacks us there. I play out several more ideas that I think might work but it always ended up with James getting a hold of Jen. Then it hits me. I play out my idea. It's the best I have but still risky.

I pull my mind out of my premonition world. Only a few seconds have passed in physical time but it feels like fifteen minutes later. Jen is still in mid-sentence about debating whether or not to forgive her friend. I know from Jen's personality it's not in her to hold a grudge or even be angry for long. A little nudge in the right direction was all she needed to forgive him and then safely leave with him.

"Just forgive him Jen," I said when she finished. "I bet he's going to be waiting to tell you he's sorry. You know how big a guy's pride is. Once they cool off they usually see we're right." I laugh and she joins in.

"I guess, though I don't want to let him off to easy."

"Well then you just have to remind him that he still owes you."

She smiled, headed to the door, then stopped and asked, "You need a ride?"

"Nah, I got my car fixed again. Thanks anyways."

"Ok," she replied and headed out the door.

Once I heard her footsteps reach the back door, I grabbed my bag and followed her closely to wait for the right moment to confront James.
Comments4
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inknalcohol's avatar
Your opening line in this one is great. Sucks the reader in.

Then showing that your character is stubborn is great. Most authors don't give their characters flaws and you not only do it, but also have her knowing that she has flaws. Excellent!

I love this line: "Even though I was almost always right it didn't stop my subordinates from disagreeing with me." I think it's my favorite in this chapter.

"I let myself be fully engulfed, letting the last sense of the physical world slip away as time stops." You switch tenses with the last word. It should be "stopped" not stops.

You switch tenses at the end as well.

Overall, a good chapter giving enough information to keep me interested and leaving me wanting to read more. Which I'm going to do with the next chapter!